I Hate Crowds
by roziefae
Summary: "M-me too, Midousuji-kun, I hate crowds!" -Onoda Sakamichi is having a panic attack, and by some wonderful work of fate, Midousuji Akira stumbles across him.


The air felt too thick and much too hot. Onoda was suffocating in his thin t-shirt and shorts, even though just a few moments ago he had been fine. It was just so busy in Akihabara today, and there were so many people. Looking at him, watching him, bumping into him. He couldn't count the number of times he had apologized today, each one coming with just a tad more panic, each one bringing him a little closer to an attack. Bringing him closer to where he was now, huddled in a quiet alleyway with his arms clutched to his chest, and his eyes closed tightly. He rocked himself back and forth, his chest too tight, his throat too dry, his heart thudding much too quickly and loudly in his ears. He counted his breaths and tried to block everything out, but he was having a hard time.

Suddenly, footsteps entered his quiet bubble, someone approaching from the crowded street. His panic spiked, and he covered his face with his hands, the uncomfortable tension in his chest constricting.

"I-I-I'm f-fi-fine!" he announced to the stranger, hoping they would just leave him alone to calm down, "P-please... do-don't trouble yourself!"

"Ah. I thought that was you," a familiar, muffled voice cut through the tight swirl of anxiety that had clutched at his heart. He opened his eyes and peeked out from behind his fingers to gaze up at the looming figure that towered over him. Midousuji Akira stood in front of him, plastic bag in hand, head cocked to the side, eyes narrowed, with his face partially hidden behind a surgical mask. It was definitely him.

"M-Mi-Midousuji-kun!" he exhaled, his panic ebbing away a little as he clung to Midousuji's presence with the fierceness of how a man drowning at sea clings to his life preserver. Midousuji flinched then, as if he felt this through Onoda's gaze, and he seemed to take a reflexive step back, "Um, w-wait, Midousuji-kun! Please, um, w-what are you doing here?" he asked in a rush, and perhaps a little too loudly. He forced a wide smile, and Midousuji just looked at him, expression unreadable.

"None of your business," he answered without hesitation, his default when faced with prying questions. He fell silent then, and Onoda felt the tension in his chest rise. This silence was unbearable. He hated it.

"Oh! Um, th-that's okay! I was here to buy some manga, after all, I was running out of things to read," he babbled, eager for a distraction, "Um, I just finished the latest issue of Love Hime, and I came across some other cute manga that I was interested in, so-so I bought them, and they're... they're here," he trailed off, taking a few breaths to steady himself. Hoping that Midousuji hadn't noticed his pause, Onoda quickly snatched his bag from the ground, and shoved it towards him. Midousuji jerked away from the sudden motion violently, "Did you-did you want to see them?"

"No," Midousuji said firmly, and Onoda lowered his arm immediately. They were silent for a few moments, while Midousuji studied Onoda from behind his mask. Onoda only hoped that he hadn't scared him away. He swallowed, wishing his throat weren't so tight.

"Um," he fidgeted, and relaxed his posture a little, "S-sorry. I guess I'm a little on edge, but that's no excuse..."

"Gross," Onoda glanced up, laughing wearily at Midousuji's unreadable face.

"Of course," he trailed off, and sat back against the wall. He exhaled, and hated that he was so awkward. Even if Midousuji thought he was gross or weird, though, at least he had stayed, "Well... thank you for listening..."

He had expected Midousuji to leave then, but to his surprise, Midousuji lowered himself down to the ground next to Onoda, letting his bag fall with him. Onoda stared at Midousuji, eyes wide with surprise.

"I'm tired," Midousuji said, as if in explanation. He brought one thin finger up to pull his mask down; his mouth was a tight grimace beneath the mask, lines etched deep into his cheeks, "It's crowded today. I hate crowds."

"Ah! Um," Onoda perked up at this, leaning forward and smiling at Midousuji- could this be another thing that they had in common? He had never had a friend who shared his anxiety before, maybe this would be good for both of them? "M-me too, Midousuji-kun, I hate crowds! They always scare me, um, imagine getting lost in a crowd, filled with all of those judging eyes and faces! All scowling at you, trying to place you, singling you out. I really hate it!" Midousuji tilted his head slightly to look at Onoda, and his expression seemed to soften a bit, though he was still grimacing; displaying those perfect white teeth in their straight grid. Onoda started slightly, "Um, that is, it's different, isn't it? Than the crowds at the races? Because... because you're not walking in them and getting caught up in the heat and the bodies. Um.

"You're cutting _through_ them, like a knife, and it feels so liberating, because you know that you're not trapped! You're faster than all of them, they could never catch you or... well," Midousuji was still just looking at him, with those wide, blank eyes of his, and Onoda flushed slightly, worried that he was being annoying, "Well, I mean, we don't have to talk about it. That's- that's just what I feel. Even when I was on my mommy bike, I felt like I was above all of them and- I mean! Um, not above! I don't mean to say that I felt I was better than them, just- just that I was beyond them, that they couldn't hurt me or- um! N-not that I-"

"Shut up," Midousuji said, though it didn't sound biting or mean. It just was. Midousuji wanted him to be quiet.

"S-sorry," he said, lowering his gaze and keeping his smile fixed to his face. He really was annoying, "I guess sometimes I- I don't really know when to stop talking."

Midousuji did not respond, but Onoda could still feel his watchful gaze. It was intimidating- and a bit unsettling, though he would never say that out loud to Midousuji. It would be impolite, after all, and he didn't want to upset him. That was the last thing he wanted, because he had always wished to have a friend that he could relate to. Somebody who liked the things he did, and understood when he needed to get away from the public, or take a break from the real world for a while. Somebody who empathized with him, and felt like he felt. Somebody he could possibly form a support system with, so that he could finally, _finally_ not be alone anymore. It was his dream.

"I just," he said abruptly, feeling like he was going to burst, "I just like... talking to you, Midousuji-kun," he didn't dare look up, but he knew what Midousuji was probably thinking. Onoda was gross, so gross, and he was probably wishing he hadn't sat down with him, or even walked into the alley to see him in the first place. Onoda fidgeted, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously as the silence stretched on, and, "Sorry," he tacked on in an attempt to repair the situation. He didn't want Midousuji to leave.

"Stop being so gross," Midousuji said finally, "And just be quiet."

"Yes! Okay," he flushed, shifting anxiously and still not looking at Midousuji, "Sorry- I mean, I won't apologize anymore- or, or be- gross. Um-"

"_Sakamichi_," he started at the use of his name, and froze. Midousuji's tone was a stern hiss, and almost angry. _Sorry_, he wanted to say, but he knew it would only make the situation worse, so he settled down and stared at the ground, trying to force himself to be quiet for once.

When he had calmed down a bit, he found that it was actually really nice, just sitting there with Midousuji. The roar of the crowd was far away, and the more he listened, the more it felt like the two of them were encased in their own little bubble, separated completely from the world. Onoda had never done this before. He had never just sat with someone, enjoying their company and the quiet, he had always filled the silence with words or singing. He had always felt like he had to- like he had to be interesting and talk, or the other person would get bored and leave. The more he thought about it, though... Imaizumi, Naruko, everyone. He had ridden with them in silence before, hadn't he? They hadn't been bored or dismissive of him, they had always included him, even when they had to leave him behind. If they all hung out together and just enjoyed the quiet for once, with no bikes and no races, would it be as nice as this?

He chanced a look up at Midousuji, and saw that he was staring up at a distant point somewhere in front of him. He seemed calm, his eyes not as wide at they usually were, and his grimace gone, but his teeth still showing. It was a relaxed expression, and it was the first time Onoda had seen it. He liked it, he realized, smiling. It seemed special, almost, being able to see Midousuji like this. He wondered if he was the first.

"You're right," Midousuji said after a moment, and Onoda started at the sudden noise.

"Eh?" he watched Midousuji shift, his eyes returning to Onoda's, "I'm... right?"

"It is different."

Onoda paused, and then broke into a bright smile. He nodded, and Midousuji's grimace came back in full force.

"Gross!" Onoda laughed, unperturbed by Midousuji's rudeness, "You're gross!"

He couldn't stop smiling, however, but looked away from Midousuji, so as not to scare him away. He let the silence continue, and before he knew it, the crowds had dispersed. It was almost like they had weathered some terrible storm together, and as they stood and stretched, Onoda felt a new warmth towards Midousuji that he had not felt before. They had shared something today, and Onoda felt that they had formed a bond. Even if they didn't see each other for a long time after this, he was glad that Midousuji had sat with him, and he was glad that he had finally found someone to relate to. He hoped that they would see each other again soon.

"Um, Midousuji-kun!" he walked quickly to catch up to Midousuji, who had started to leave at a brisk pace, thanks to his longer legs. He slowed however, almost subconsciously it seemed, when Onoda called out to him, "Do you mind if we walk together for a while? Just until we have to split up to find our bikes?"

"I don't care," Midousuji said, and Onoda took that as a yes. Happiness brimmed in his chest as they walked together through the thinning crowd.

* * *

><p><em>i had this idea earlier and it stuck with me, so i decided to write it down. this is my first yowapedal fic, but not my first attempt at writing one. i hope my characterization is okay. i thought about having onoda ask for midousuji's number near the end, but i knew midousuji would say no, and i wanted to end on a really sweet note. but they would definitely meet again, so numbers might eventually be exchanged. <em>

_anyway, thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked it! i meant to try to make it fluffy, because i ship these two, but if i had done it any other way, i feel like it would have seemed forced. maybe next time!_


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